There’ll be a longer blogpost tomorrow. This one is just a silly thought that came into my brain last week when I was at the dentist.

I don’t go to the dentist a lot – only three times in my adult life, which dentists tell me off for, but I’ve never had a filling or an extraction or any other dental procedures, so I guess I’m not doing too badly.

Last week, my dentist was trying to put an instrument in my mouth, which my tongue instinctively pushed away and she commented “You have a large and muscular tongue”. This blatantly sexual statement got me thinking…

Why getting your teeth polished is a lot like giving a blow job

  • Keeping your mouth open for a sustained period of time never seems like a challenge in theory, but when you actually have to do it, it’s pretty uncomfortable.
  • You’re never fully sure where your tongue should be.
  • Your jaw aches.
  • You know that you could ask the dentist/penis-owner for a break when it’s getting uncomfortable, but you know that in both cases they’d prefer to just get on with it.
  • The dentist/penis-owner says things to you even though they know you can’t answer.
  • Saliva pools in weird parts of your mouth and other bits of your mouth go weirdly dry
  • Spitting afterwards doesn’t really clear out all the gunk
  • No matter what you eat for the next few hours, your mouth still tastes of “it”
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