I change trains every morning in Stratford at about 8:20 and get on the Central Line. The Central Line is a bit of a battle at that time and it’s never not a squeeze.
I was standing on the platform this morning, waiting for a train, when my eyes met the eyes of a man on the platform opposite. He smiled.
No. He really smiled. At me. And I realised that I recognised him. I smiled back. It was a man I’d chatted to online a few weeks ago. We’d chatted a few times. He was very into me. But we hadn’t met.
And there he was, standing opposite me, smiling at me. It was a completely silent moment that we shared. We weren’t going to shout across the tracks at each other. We just smiled. I blushed and looked away for a minute. He quietly laughed a little. It was a lovely thing to happen at 8:20 on a Monday morning in a big city. It was the kind of moment that would happen in an artsy Japanese movie.
Stratford is one of the few stations where the Tube lets people on on both sides. We may have been on different platforms but we were waiting for the same train. We were standing opposite each other. We were waiting for the same carriage of the same train.
The train came. It was packed. We both got into the same carriage from our respective sides. We were only about a metre apart, but there were five lines of people between us. There was no way we could talk. He got off at Bethnal Green. The moment had ended.
I stayed until Tottenham Court Road. By the time I got up to street level I had a message from him. It was sweet and flirty.
Why had I stopped messaging him? This was beautiful. I was Katherine Heigl and he was Ryan Reynolds. This was the most romantic morning of my life.
I flicked back to his profile. We’d met on Chasabl, a site for “chubs and chasers” that allows enough room for quite a long profile. This is his profile:
“Thanks for stopping by. BEFORE contacting me, please read THOROUGHLY & process the info below to see if we’re a match. You’re in for a treat if you…
1. are in London or Greater London, whether temporarily or permanently
2. can accommodate. I can’t.
3. are in your 30s (perfect mix of energy levels and life experience)
4. have a BMI of 55+, although I’ll go as low as 45-ish. Too many chubs are still too ‘small’ to my liking!
5. are quite comfortable with who you are. (I’m extremely attracted to chubs who exude confidence and joie de vivre!)
6. are a non-smoker (Smokers, you are generally better at sex, but sorry I won’t kiss you!)
7. do read profiles & tend to respond accordingly
8. don’t really have a set role in bed: labels such ‘top’ & ‘bottom’ don’t mean much to you. You don’t really worry about what’ll happen in bed because you’ll make the most of whatever comes your way. You’re bound to have a nice time because of your lust for life.
9. have THIS shortlist of no-no’s (same as mine) – no blood, no scat, no drugs whatsoever (incl. poppers). Everything else: YES. Or at least you’ll try it once.
10. don’t mind planning when arranging something, but do stick to your word.
11. meet ALL of the above!
I’m really not looking for a relationship at all. Sex only. With condoms and lube (if it comes to that). One-offs preferred. But will consider repeats occasionally.
See you soon! I mean it.”
Hmmmm. Romance. Terms and conditions apply.