Mr Impulse

At nine o’clock on Monday morning I sent an email to my boss. I resigned with immediate effect. LOL at me using a phrase like “resign with immediate effect”. Who do I think I am? The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff?

Anyway, my boss doesn’t really do mornings, so it was after midday when he phoned me, clearly in shock. He was very nice. He was so nice that I felt guilty for saying mean things about the school on the internet, but I was so relieved. It was over. I tidied everything up, cleared out my desk, set things up for the rest of the week for my colleagues and was out of school by 3:30 pm.

I walked out of school feeling like a rock star. I had just walked out of a job. Like someone in a movie. As one of my friends on Facebook said, “We would expect nothing less.” I’m that guy. Depending on your perspective, I’m a volatile, unstable, privileged brat, or I’m a guy who is adorably unpredictable, quirky and courageous. Whichever you think, I’m definitely that guy.

So, I was free. What to do with this freedom? I was chatting to some friends and I heard myself saying, “Tomorrow I’m going to turn off my phone and make a vision board and decide on my priorities.”

Yesterday dawned. Time to decide on priorities. I have no idea what a vision board is meant to look like, so instead I just made a list on my phone. What I really, really want is not to sign up for a job that doesn’t suit the life I want to have. I rushed into this job without thinking. I rushed into the previous job in Galway without thinking. I’m not going to do this again. Now I have criteria. And I will accept nothing that doesn’t meet my criteria.

  • I’m going to live in or near a large English-speaking city. London is what is to the forefront of my mind at present.
  • It must be big enough to have a gay scene that includes both a decent drag scene and a decent bear scene. So New York is fine, as is Sydney. Belfast, Sheffield and Bismarck, North Dakota are not.
  • It is OK if it’s urban and has job opportunities and is within easy striking distance of somewhere as described in the previous two points. Under this heading I have included both Cambridge and Brighton, both cities in their own right, both with big English language teaching scenes, both with a good train connection to London for ease of socialising/swishing about.
  • I don’t really mind what job I take. It can be teaching or teacher training again. Or it can be working in Burger King. It just can’t be something that sucks my life. It can’t be something where I’m at my desk for two hours extra every day because it’s management-y. And it can be something where I have homework because research-y. It has to be something that will allow my brain time to write. Ideally, I’d like a teaching job where I teach 15 to 20 hours a week and then have lots of time for writing etc. But I’m open to anything that doesn’t suck my brain out or occupy a ridiculous amount of time.
  • It can’t be a job that has tentacles of “professionalism” that will prevent me from blogging about my personal life, using Grindr, uploading videos to YouTube of me getting my arse tattooed, starting a One Direction podcast or whatever other online antics I want to get up to.

Those are my criteria.

I am ready.

I have paid back every one of my friends that I owe money to. The deposit I’ve been saving for renting somewhere unaffordable in Dublin is now being spent. I’ve booked a storage unit in Dublin for all my stuff. I’ve cancelled my internet and my TV and my TV license.

And I’ve actually booked a flight. I don’t yet have a job, but I don’t care. I’m off to England to make my name. I am flying into London Stansted next Thursday afternoon. I’ll just turn up with my bags. If I find a job between now and then, great. If not, it’s fine. I’ll find a hostel and I’ll get a job.

I’m ready.

I’m on my way to make Britain great again.

*screams internally* *fans self excitedly*


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