So, as you’ve read, last Thursday wasn’t a good day. I was grumpy for many reasons — moving house had physically exhausted and while I love new starts, they’re also kind of terrifying. And of course my lack of money (and dead phone charger) led to all kinds of catastrophic thoughts. I collapsed into bed on Thursday and slept badly.
I woke on Friday, feeling groggy. I still hadn’t been paid, but a friend of mine put some money in my account and the Bank of Ireland rang me. I have had such a long relationship with the Bank of Ireland money-chasing department that my phone knows their number – “Credit Operations” flashed up and I considered not answering, but I did anyway. They (amazingly) weren’t ringing to ask me for money. They were ringing to ask if I’d like to lower my monthly repayments. It was like a message from Heaven. The Gods are on my side. Everything will be alright.
And then on Friday evening, I found myself doing things I haven’t done in a long time. I stood up from watching TV and I started stretching and I started boxing in the mirror. I’m not someone like that. I’m not someone who just randomly starts boxing in the mirror. But a switch had flipped in my mind. I was suddenly full of energy and hope again. I stayed up late that night, catching up with a pile of online work and got up the next morning and went for my first walk since I was in Macedonia in June. I put down YouTube and started reading actual books again. I started taking my vitamins again. I started washing the dishes straight after I’d eaten and putting my dirty clothes in the laundry basket and not on the floor. I started working through a backlog of emails. Of course, it’s always my intention to “be good” and “not be dysfunctional”, but there are times when I forget that.
So here are the plans. Project Connor begins again:
Diet: I have signed up for My Fitness Pal and am counting calories. Because I’m so overweight, I can eat relatively normally. Tomorrow, I can apparently have 2906 calories. I am going to work at this and kill my demons along the way. The last time I weighed myself (about two weeks ago), I was 26 stone 10 pounds (374 pounds/170 kg). I’m going to get off the Road to Death.
Exercise: I have already started walking – walking in the countryside is different from walking in Rathgar and Milltown. It’s so dark here at night, and I keep worrying that I’ll be attacked by a wolf or a bear or a stray cow or something, but I’ll work it out (and may even be organised enough to walk in the hours of daylight). I know I promised to walk from Dublin to Cork in August – that didn’t happen, but I’m still committed to it. I literally couldn’t walk for more than an hour at the moment, and certainly couldn’t do 20 kilometres a day. I’m going to do it in an even better way. Now I’ve genuinely started training and I’m going to do something even more symbolic. I’m going to do my walk after Christmas. I’m going to bring in 2016 walking from my family home in Cork to Longford, or possibly to Dublin – I’ll work it out later, but it will be impressive and exciting and New Year New Me and it’s on. It’s on like Donkey Kong.
I’ve also started stretching and doing some simple strength exercises at home. And I already feel so much better. I can’t do push-ups because I can’t get down to the floor or get myself back up, but I’m doing my push-ups against the wall and I’m doing squats and eventually I’ll be able to lunge again and do a crunch again. The next time I get paid, I’m joining the local gym. I’m going to join the aqua-aerobics class with the little old ladies. It’s going to be amazing.
Writing: Why did I move to this little village in the middle of nowhere? Why aren’t I doing something sensible with my PhD or with my years of English language teacher training experience? Why am I only working in online and part-time jobs?
It’s so I can work on the projects I always wanted to.
My Body Histories project is nesting. It’s waiting. Until Tuesday. Why Tuesday? Well, I currently only have internet on my iPhone, which means all my internetting for the last four weeks has been on my phone. After daily phonecalls for a month, Sky finally conceded defeat yesterday, admitting they weren’t going to be able to connect me. I rang Eircom and I’ll have internet in my little house on Tuesday morning. So I can start interviewing people by Skype from Tuesday and putting together the beginnings of Body Histories – the most exciting thing I can think of in the world.
And then there’s my novel. I started it last November. And i got a few thousand words written and since then, I’ve taken it out and tinkered with it regularly, but I’ve stopped writing seriously. I’m going to give myself 5 or 6 weeks to get Body Histories going and then I’m doing NaNoWriMo – I’m going to get 50,000 words of my novel banged out in November. November will be a big month for me.
This blog is going to be busy again. I’ll be reporting on my progress. I’m awfully excited. Keep everything crossed for me.