Why Connor might end up getting deported from Vi*tn*m

There are lots of exciting reasons why I might end up getting deported. Apparently the authorities here sometimes lure gay white men into compromising situations, but this tends to end up with fines and blackmail, rather than deportation. It is also not uncommon for bloggers here to end up in jail, but I am not a citizen journalist. I’m not that type of blogger.

No. This is a different – but to long-time readers familiar – story.

Last week, I was in Human Resources, filling in a million forms and signing my names 4 million times. I’ve never worked for a company this big before and it was complicated. One of the perks of my job is free health insurance. I had to fill in a form for this that included a question about my weight. I haven’t weighed myself in about two months, but I guessed that I was somewhere between the heaviest and the lightest I weighed this year. I put down 26 stone.

Later that day I got an email. It was headed “CHECK YOUR HEIGHT AND WEIGHT” and said:

“Dear Connor,

Can you please let me know for sure your height and weight cause it is over the BMI as the insurance company inform me.

Thanks”

I told HR that the weight was around right and that I would check if I could find weighing scales, but I didn’t think I could. (Most weighing scales don’t go much over 20 stone. Doctors can’t weigh me.)

Eventually, I got an email from HR saying that they’d got the insurance company to agree to the following: “This Policy will cover for all medical expenses arising from accident only. All other expenses relating to diseases/illnesses/sicknesses will not be covered.” Some medical insurance. 

This annoyed me, but not that much. I’m used to this kind of stuff. And I’ve been plotting (when haven’t I?) my next weightloss attempt anyway. My current plan is one that is mindful and loving of myself and my body and food and it’s all about positivity and losing weight because I’m happy, not because I’m scared. That’s the plan anyway.

However, I am scared. Another of the things I have to do with HR is get a work permit. I’m currently getting my degrees translated and my lack of a criminal record certified. One other thing needs to happen though. A medical exam. Some day, in the next few weeks, I will have to sit a medical, to see if I’m medically fit to work in the country. One of the things on the Vietnamese official work permit medical list is a BMI check, but they don’t say what the maximum permissible BMI is. But presumably there is a permissible maximum or else why would they check. And presumably I’m above that maximum. And if my work permit is refused, my contract is void, and if I don’t have a contract, I have to leave the country.

Deported. For being too fat. It can’t happen. Can it?

It would be funny. But awful. I mean, how embarrassing could that be?

WHAT IF…?

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