The mile-high stag party

I’m sitting in Alicante airport. My sister doesn’t finish work till 9:00 tonight, so I decided to write a little blogpost about my flight.

Alicante is on the bottom right-hand corner of Spain and it is very much on the tourist trail. I’m actually going to Valencia, but that’s not as touristy, so I couldn’t get a Ryanair flight there.

On the flight, I was sitting behind a couple, about 60 years old. I don’t like drinking on trains and airplanes, but the man in front of me certainly didn’t mind. He ordered a “double Jack Daniels and a portion of chips (because I’m a coeliac)”.

Sitting (and standing) (and dancing around) in front of this old couple, there were two stag parties. On the right, there was a stag party from Finglas. On the left, there was another one from “between Donnycarney and Blanchardstown”. The Finglas group were a bit older and a bit drunker. The between Donnycarney and Blanchardstown group were younger and noisier. One of them, a tall bald guy, kept putting his tongue in his friends’ ears. They didn’t seem to mind.

The groom in this party was a happy young guy, who turned around to talk to the white-haired woman in front of me. “I’m getting married in five weeks. I’d like one last fling before I put on that ring. Do you fancy it love?” She obviously loved the attention, but she eventually said no, that he wasn’t her type. “You haven’t seen me in me g-string!” he answered, less than alluringly. When the plane landed he turned to her again. “Will me Leap Card work in Benidorm? That’s alright love, you’ll take me round with your bus pass, won’t you?”

The moment of high drama came about half an hour before we landed. Two of the flight attendants approached the Finglas group. €40 had gone missing from the trolley and they were sure it was one of the Finglas guys. The one who the finger was pointing at got very agitated, but his friends clearly loved the drama. The responses I managed to write down included: “Ah Jayzus, yer after ruining our holiday before it even started!” “I’m going to sue you for definition of character!” “I’m going to ring Michael O’Leary as soon as we land!” “This is racism, coz we’re from Finglas!” Eventually, the guy gave €40 to the flight attendant.

This was made even more entertaining for me by the fact that there were two quite posh English women in the seat behind me, and I could hear their running commentary. “Is that English?” “I can’t understand a word he’s saying.” “Whatever’s going on, you can be sure they’re up to no good.”

Five minutes later, he found a receipt that he thought proved his innocence (it didn’t) and he leapt out of the seat, running towards the flight attendant, roaring, “Here, butler!” to get her attention. The entire plane started laughing.

The between Donnycarney and Blanchardstown party were loving this. One of them turned to the other stag party and said “Youse Finglas lads are brilliant. It’s like watching Jeremy Beadle”, to which about twenty people on the plane responded “You mean Jeremy Kyle!”

Best. Flight. Ever.

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