Turning it up to 11

Happy New Year! So, I’ve decided to put the blog back online. Obviously, I’ll be ready take it down again if necessary. I hope it won’t be necessary and I’d ask any readers not to mention it to students in Hall or on courses I work on. I’ve already made it less google-able than it was before and I’ll probably be taking further steps to anonymise it a bit more over the next while, but for the moment I’ve decided that this is the right time. I’m sick of being cut off from the world. And once again, I have a Project.

***

2014 came. At midnight, I snogged my life-size cardboard Zayn Malik and I also serenaded him with “A Perfect Year” by Dina Carroll. And I am going to try to make it into a perfect year.

I did a lot of resoluting.

I’ve started a juice fast. I’m spending the first ten days of the year eating nothing but fresh fruit and vegetable juice. And then I’m going to move onto a plant-based diet. It’s mainly inspired by the film Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.

It’s the first time I’ve spent a whole month planning and building up to a diet. I’m two days in and I’m still excited about it. I really like my juicer and I’ve fallen in love with both kiwi juice and apple juice, but today I had broccoli juice and it tasted of Satan. I still had two whole glasses of it!

It will surprise no one if I say that I’m heavier than ever before. I’ve broken the 27-stone barrier and I’m now five stone heavier than when I started this blog.

The stats are as follows:

  • Weight: 27 stone 1 pound/ 379 pounds/171.9 kilos
  • BMI: 57 (far into the morbidly obese range)
  • Neck: 18.5 inches/ 47 cm
  • Arm: 17 inches/ 43 cm
  • Chest: 55 inches/ 1 m 40 cm
  • Waist: 63.75 inches/ 1 m 61 cm
  • Thigh: 28.75 inches/ 73 cm

Fingers crossed. I’ve had so many now or never moments with starting diets, it’s very hard to start yet again, but as I say, this has been well planned and the first two days have gone well.

I’m turning it up to 11 all round this year, the Year of Connor:

  • I’m going to walk for sixty minutes every day in January. In February, I’m going to do the Couch-to-5K again. I am going to get my fitness back.
  • I’m going to stop taking the lift up to my office in college (one floor) and to my flat (two floors). I’m going to be Mister Stairs.
  • I’m going to fit into something from Topman by the summer.
  • I’m going to spend most of January (when I’m not walking or juicing) locked up in my flat writing my thesis. I’m going to write 1,500 words every day in January.
  • I’m going to hand my PhD in by the summer, by September at the latest. This is not going to drag out.
  • I’m going to move out of Hall by September at the latest. I need a new adventure.
  • I’ve signed up for an improv class. I’m going to be funnier this year.
  • I’m going to try out drag at least once this summer.
  • I’m going to try and write a book starting in October.
  • I’m not going to spend next year teaching in the department I study in. I’m also not going to teach in the school where I work. Whatever happens, come October, I’m going on an adventure, presumably abroad, with Vegas, LA, London, Istanbul, Tokyo and New York all high on my list.

I know this is ludicrously ambitious, but last year I made small crappy resolutions and had a crappy year. The year before I made big massive resolutions. I didn’t keep them all, but I had a great year.

Here’s to high hopes!

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