Last night was my final night of Undergraduate Cheese. At this year’s parties, I learned:
1. There is a girl in House 87 who goes by the name “Banter”. She came to meet me dressed in a very tight pair of trousers entirely covered in black sequins.
2. There is a boy in House 87 who can recite Pi to 42 places. He does not use this knowledge to pick up ladies.
3. There is a girl in House 87 who is called Rachel. Her boyfriend’s name is Finn. Just like Glee. (RIP Cory)
4. There is a boy in House 87 who had never tried wine until I served it to him on his Cheese Night.
5. There is a girl in House 87 who tried to cook an entire chicken in a George Foreman grill. She failed.
6. There is another girl in House 87 who tried to make pancakes in a George Foreman grill. The batter slid out.
7. There is a freezer in House 87 that stopped working over the weekend and when the residents of the flat came back on Sunday night, there was literally blood oozing out of it.
8. There is a girl in House 87 who her flatmates say is “sensible” when she’s drunk because she was the only one of the girls not to pee at the bus stop on a night out.
9. There is a boy in House 87 who went to school with Niall from One Direction. (weep, sob, wail, faint)
10. There is a boy in House 87 who looks uncannily like Neil from the Inbetweeners.
11. There is a girl in House 87 who had her first ever raspberry last week. She doesn’t like fruit. Her older sister used to terrorise her by chasing her around with a banana.
12. There is a girl in House 87 who thought the living room carpet was smelly, so she sprayed it with Flash.
13. There is a boy in House 87 whose flatmates say he has a problem because he’s made his bed every day since he arrived here four weeks ago.
14. There is a boy in House 87 who plays a bouzouki. This is not, as I thought, a gun, but is actually a musical instrument.
15. There is a boy in House 87 who can recite entire 8-minute-long Apres Match sketches with comedy voices off by heart, and does so whether his flatmates want him to or not.
16. There is a girl in House 87 who has an All-Ireland Minor Football medal.
17. There is a girl in House 87 whose father has phoned her at 9:30 every single night since she arrived in Hall a month ago.
18. There is a girl in House 87 who spent almost two hours alone, drunk and passed out in a lift in the middle of the night. When one of her flatmates found her at 4:00 am, she woke her up and her first words were: “Any parties on?”
19. There is a girl in House 87 who doesn’t like being alone, so she climbs into one of her friends’ beds every night. Luckily, she’s quite petite.
20. There is a boy in House 87, who thought he mightn’t like the wine I brought, so he brought along a bottle of Buckfast to our wine and cheese reception.
21. There is a kitchen in House 87 where there is a traffic cone dressed in a Mayo jersey, called Kony 2013.
22. There is a boy in House 87 who met a girl from House 87 last week. They kissed, and now he’s going to her Debs next week. (AAWWWW!)
23. There is a rumour in House 87 that it is this year’s “party house”.
I love being an assistant warden and I love House 87.