I was walking along Dawson Street this morning when I spied a nice young man. My eyes were drawn to the tantalising strip of skin between the top of his trousers and the bottom of his sweatshirt. His skin was a lovely shade of light brown and it was perfect. Not a single imperfection. My mouth watered.
I got a bit closer.
It wasn’t his skin. It was a band of beige material around the bottom of his sweatshirt. I’d been ogling polyester.
I clearly need to get some. Not that you needed telling. The intimate details in my recent blogposts probably make that clear.
I’ve been spending quite a lot of time on the “dating” site for chubby men and their admirers that I mentioned here before. I’ve had a profile on the site since the summer of 2011, but have yet to meet anyone from it. But recently I’ve really been trying.
I’ve googled advice on what to write in messages to people on sites like this. And ALL THE ADVICE IS WRONG. According to the so-called internet, “Yo!” is a sexier greeting than “Holla!” Bollix. And apparently, you should ask lots of questions about “safe” subjects like pets and hobbies.
LOL. LOL. LOL.
If a man wrote “hey there handsome. i’ve been enjoying your pics. any more where they came from? whereabouts in dublin are you based?” and I answered “I live in Dublin 6. Do you prefer cats or dogs?” I don’t think I’d get very far.
I have mixed feelings about the messages I’ve been getting. But some really do excite me. Not the one I got last night from a 67-year-old “chub” in Carlow, wondering if I was up for some “cam fun”. Oh God. Is that my future? I mean that in two senses. Is that my future as in: will I be an overweight pensioner who begs young men to wank on camera for him? And is that my future as in: will I actually agree to his request next Thursday night? I won’t. I really hope I won’t.
I am a little bit scared of anyone who describes themselves as a chaser (someone who is sexually attracted to fatter men). But if there’s any prejudice in life I should ditch, it’s that one.
I’ve been chatting to three attractive men on the site, one in Dublin and two nearby, one in Wicklow and one in Kildare. They are all between the ages of 24 and 40, so that’s alright. And they all like my naughty pictures, which is pretty amazing.
I’ve been brave putting myself out there. And today, it looks like it paid off.
One of the guys sent me a message with those three magic words, the most romantic that I know: “Can u accom?”
You bet your ass I can accommodate.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think I am once again embarking on a love life. Watch this space.