I have more female than male friends. The male friends that I have and have had over the years tend to be nerdy, or counter-cultural, or vaguely effeminate. Very few of my friends could ever be described as blokey blokish blokes. Note: if you are sitting up as you read this, outraged at the aspersions I am casting on your blokeyness, then you are the exception that proves the rule. Well done.
Anyway, my current residence, a cross between a barracks and a monastery, is full of blokey blokish blokes. It’s new for me. They eat like horses. Seriously. They shovel enormous portions of very fatty food down their gullets, without any ill effects.
The reason for this? Well, blokey blokish blokes (BBBs) do press ups for fun. They play keepy-uppy (Is that what you call it?) in the corridors. They can’t be in the kitchen and not throw rugby balls/tennis balls/stress balls to each other. They wrestle for fun. They go for a jog after three cans of beer. They play soccer. And golf. And rugby. And football. And tennis.
I may have learned about the exercise high. I may enjoy a trip to the gym or a starlight run on the beach.
But I don’t have the instinct to spend every waking moment moving. These BBBs are like tireless puppies who need to run around in circles all day.
Walking home tonight, there was a group of boys, about 18 years old, from one of the other flats walking ahead of me. But they couldn’t just walk. They ran and then shoved each other and then ran again. And pushed one of the others again. It wasn’t an organised game like Chase. They were literally just running around and shoving each other. For fun. And they had all their clothes on. So I know it wasn’t that kind of fun. They genuinely enjoy running and shoving. And they go to university. My brain just doesn’t comprehend that. Neither, unfortunately, does my body.
I look around at all the BBBs with their huge appetites and non-stop sporting action and I am a bit jealous. But, mainly…mainly I hope that one day they’ll all get really fat. Because, deep down, I’m not that nice.