It’s 48 hours since I had a cigarette. Now, I’ve gone some fairly lengthy stretches without cigarettes recently. But what’s really impressive about this particular time is that I have had the means, the motive and the opportunity to smoke lots over the last few days. I haven’t run out of money and I haven’t stayed away from shops, but I still haven’t smoked.
Having said that, I’m not necessarily the stablest I’ve ever been. As I walk down the street and I see people smoking, I grit my teeth and growl under my breath, “You’re a smoker. You’re not happy. I’m a non-smoker. I’m happy.” I then unclench my jaw, stop snarling, and void my throat of phlegm.
I’m wearing a nicotine patch and am pulling on a nicotine inhaler. And it’s working. My bloodstream is awash with nicotine and I’m not feeling too deprived. I have chewing gum too, and have to admit that I gave myself a huge breakfast yesterday to quash the cravings.
So, I’m overcoming my instincts in one area of my life. And I did the same in another area of my life yesterday.
Anyone who knows me well, will know that I’m an absolute whore for stripes. I love anything with stripes. Most of my shirts and t-shirts are stripey. The same goes for my socks. When I lived alone, all of the many throws, cushions and pillows were stripey. The iPhone that I’m writing this very blog post on has a stripey cover.
Yesterday, I was shopping for welcome packs for the conference I’m organising. There were plain plastic folders, which were well within budget. I could buy them. But there were also folders, just a teensy bit more expensive, with stripes. These were things of beauty. They were sleek. And bedecked with stripes of orange, pink, green, yellow and red. Every fibre of my being cried out, “Buy the stripes! You know you want to. You could make your own mark on this conference. And in the process, make all the visiting lecturers look like teenage girls.”
Once again, I overcame these instincts. And bought the boring folders. I’m on a roll, folks. Once I master myself, it can’t be long before I’m master of all I survey!