Like a Phoenix from the Flames

I have always believed you should make a big deal of your birthday. It’s the one day of the year when you can be the most important person in the world, but if you don’t make a fuss about it, nobody else well. As I’ve learnt to my cost over the last 30 years, I am not as important to anyone else as I am to myself. 

I had been planning a very big bash for my 30th, thinking money wouldn’t get in the way. I considered hiring a castle or country house for the weekend, inviting 100 or so people, and hiring 5ive or SClub7 to play. They’re both touring again. I also considered getting Same Difference to reprise their cover version of “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” from the X Factor 2007 series.  

Reality bit, as it is often said to do. It is going to be a fabulous night. I’m going to dinner at a friend’s and then to a pub. My friends are coming. They’re won’t be any turrets, battlements, or teeny pop. But I’m still excited, because – you see – it’s all about me! 

I’ve had a great week. I’ve studied every single day. I’ve been organised. I’ve slept every night and got up every morning. I have been smoking on and off, and my eating hasn’t been wonderful, but today is a day for change. Today I start a new decade. In the words of Robbie Williams, and I admit he may not have come up with the concept himself, I’m going to rise like a phoenix from the flames.

My new start had to begin with a perfect day. I got up this morning, had a shower and gave myself a facial. Having been paid yesterday, I was able to treat myself to a naughty breakfast: a cornish pasty, two sausage rolls and a dirty big pint of full-fat milk. I also bought myself a paper, for the first time in three or four months and read it while listening to the morning radio shows. God had conspired with me to bring the sun out today and the temperature came up a good seven degrees on yesterday. 

My perfect day continued as I made my way into town and treated myself to a haircut. I had promised myself that I would buy one nice thing for me. I considered watches, DVDs, jumpers and The High School Musical Annual 2010. In the end, I bought two things for me. A twirl bar. And a book – “Running with scissors”.

I had planned to make it to the gym too. That didn’t materialise. Not to worry, though. I’m going to wake up tomorrow with beer to burn off and the maturity of a 30-year-old. I’m going to get very, very drunk tonight. And then I’ll start again. Project Connor: Part 2. Coming soon to a cinema near you.    

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