I keep very irregular hours. My mother accuses me of letting day turn into night. And for the past week or so, I certainly did that. I was in a bit of paralysis, stressed out by money and by the PhD.
I slept during the day and wasted my waking hours. I watched an entire series of The Biggest Loser Australia during those wakeful nights.
I like reality TV contests. And I like weightloss shows. And The Biggest Loser is both. Of course, part of me is inspired by these people who lose 8 stone in 10 weeks. But part of me loves the gameplaying, the bitching and the manipulation.
Also, fat people running is funny to watch.
Fat people hugging is hilarious: their face, neck and shoulders are very close to each other, but their bums are miles apart and they end up looking like giant blubbery pyramids. This ability to laugh at my own kind could be a sign of low self-esteem. It could also be a sign that I have a healthy attitude to life and don’t take myself too seriously.
Anyway, one night last week, I was overcome by thirst. I went down to the 24-hour garage in Harold’s Cross to buy a bottle of something fizzy. When I got back into the car, it wouldn’t start. The battery had run out. Now this has happened before, and usually if I leave it for 10 minutes or so, it’ll work again.
I watched about 15 minutes of The Biggest Loser Australia on my phone. I tried the car again. It still didn’t start. I watched another 15 minutes. I tried the car again. It still didn’t work. Now, at this stage, I really should have jumped out of the car and got help. The petrol station is busy throughout the night and I have jump leads, so it would be easy to get the car moving again. But I didn’t.
I sat in my car from 1:30 am to 4:30 am, on a Wednesday night, watching Australian fat people on my phone. I only went to get help when the battery on my phone ran out.
This was a pattern for the last few days. But as regular readers will know, I go into fugs and I come out of them.
I can feel myself coming out of this fug now. I don’t suddenly snap out of these things. Like a bear awakening from hibernation, I slowly come back to life. I might catch up with my emails one day and go into the library on another day, but this bear Connor is surely awakening now. And I’ll be roaring again soon. I haven’t been perfect. After three weeks without cigarettes, I find myself having to give up again. But, like a bear seeing a jumping salmon (my main experience of bears is John West Salmon ads on telly) I am looking forward to my next challenge.