I had intended to do it on Sunday, but life and fear got in the way. Today was the day. I went shopping today and bought as many dry, canned, frozen and freezable goods as will fit in my house. I got €106-worth of food, which was pretty much what I’d budgeted for. I was on the cusp of cutting up my ATM card, when I realised I had no freezer bags. I went to my local Spar, carrying a pair of kitchen scissors. I bought the freezer bags, a one-euro bottle of shower gel (gone are the days of €15 Lush shower gel!) and an emergency box of cigarettes.
And then, like King Arthur brandishing Excalibur, I wielded my IKEA scissors and cut my ATM card in two on the lottery stand. I’m not going to spend any money for the next month!
I am freed from the shackles of money!
Alternatively, I am enslaved in the bonds of poverty. But that’s a bold assertion, considering I’m still renting a cottage all for me, still getting digital TV, and still (inexplicably) have two internet connections.
You might think that I’m stressed about the fact that I won’t be able to pop into Centra for a chicken fillet baguette, with mayonnaise and cheese please, or that I only have 24 cigarettes left. But I’m actually quite excited about it.
My main worry is actually that I’ll have no contact lenses left after Tuesday. Unbelievably, I manage to ignore the rolls of fat, the hairy man-boobs, the glistening stretch marks, the nicotine-stained teeth and the thighs the size of scud missiles. I somehow believe that wearing glasses will make me hideously ugly and lack of them will make into some kind of magnetic Adonis. Oh, the misguided pride!