Wanted: A life coach

I live a life designed for reality TV. I could easily be on Supersize vs Superskinny, You Are What You Eat or The Biggest Loser. I would also deserve a place on one of those shows where they de-clutter your house and life, or one where you get an extreme makeover, or indeed one where Gok Wan makes you take off your clothes and cry. I often think I was destined to be a judge on the X Factor, sitting between Dannii and Cheryl, but I’m much more likely to end up on Westmeath’s Got Talent, sitting between Derek Davis and the mother from Crystal Swing.

I’ve often said that I need some kind of life coach or P.A., which I’d be more than happy to go on TV to procure (remember the show where Jade auditioned P.A.s?) I am very good at some stuff, but there are times when I can’t organise my way through a door. Before I left Ireland, I applied for a grant from the city council, except I didn’t. They need documents. I managed to get a birth cert, because my Dad went and got it for me. I managed to find proof of address, except for the wrong date. I didn’t find any proof of payment and the council are really fussy about knowing that you’re not a multi-millionaire (I should really just point them to this blog) before they give you money.

I have a place for important documents. It’s a brown Hula Hoops box that’s sitting on top of my wardrobe, underneath a guitar that doesn’t belong to me (you know my feelings on guitars) and on top of some A3 paper I bought in a previous organisation drive. It contains tax statements, rental agreements, phone bills, degree certificates and receipts from pawn brokers.

As it turns out, my P45 from International House isn’t in the Important Documents Hula Hoops box. Neither are my dole receipts. So I’ve had to re-apply for both.This involves me co-ordinating my former employers and colleagues, friends and family, the Slovene postal system, four former addresses and the Revenue Commissioners. All going well I should make the closing date of the 31st August and know whether I have a future in Trinity College before the registration date.

Organisation is required to enter a marathon too. I thought I’d already entered, but I discovered the postal order in my wallet when I was looking for my P45. Now all I have to do is get a stamp. Shouldn’t take more than a day or two. But it’s on my list. And if it’s on my list it’s going to get done, because I obey the List. The List is my P.A. Tomorrow’s list starts with “be fabulous”.

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