I have a very impressive library. In fact, I have the finest collection of books of any 29-year-old I know. I have 11 Thomas Hardy novels, the novelised version of the O.C., the diaries of Christopher Isherwood, the notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci, Gus and Waldo The Gay Penguins, Roget’s Thesaurus, the complete Little Women series and five of the last ten Booker prize winners. And yet, every time someone sees my collection of books, the first thing they notice is that I have a book by Dr Phil. It’s not in a particularly prominent spot. It just seems to draw the eye.
Dr Phil has very sound advice on weightloss. But tonight, my theme is smoking. Dr Phil claims that we only behave in a way that rewards ourselves. If I choose to smoke, it must be because I believe the rewards of smoking outweigh those of not smoking.
Let me see.
Rewards of not smoking:
1. More money
2. Better sleep (when I give up smoking, I tend to find it a million times easier to wake up)
3. Living longer
4. Avoiding all kinds of horrible diseases
5. Better breath
6. General fragrance issues
7. More time (smoking does actually take up lots of time during breaks etc.)
8. More respect from others
9. More self-respect
10.Less time in the rain
11. Getting rid of the horrible taste in my mouth
12. Not burning holes in stuff
13.Not burning my own fingers/nose hair
14. Smoother lines – less bulgy pockets
15. Snoring more quietly
16. Clearer nasal passages
17. Less coughing
18. Being more attractive
19. Being fitter
20. Finishing the marathon
Benefits of smoking
1. Not having to give up
2. Having something to fill the in-between bits of life
There is clearly something wrong with my wiring. Somewhere deep inside, I obviously have a reason to continue smoking, but no longer: Suck it up, bitch! Tomorrow I’m doing it. The week after next, the training for the marathon starts.
Tonight I saw “Whistle Down the Wind” in the fabulous brand spanking new Grand Canal Theatre. There is a song in it where two lovers determine to get out of their hokey small town. All they’ll leave behind is “Tyre tracks and broken hearts”. Likewise for me. I have absolutely nothing to lose.