Suck it up, bitch!

I whine a lot. An awful lot, even moreso(more so?)when I’m alone. I have absolutely no intention of turning into Bridget Jones. So I’ve come up with a new slogan, “Suck it up, bitch!” I alternate this with “Suffer, bitch!”, and sometimes “Cry your sorry ass a river!” I find this works well. However, it’s best not to say it aloud. Today, I opened the car door, as a nice, harmless-looking middle-aged lady was passing. I was half way through my affirmation, so all this lady heard was “bitch”. She looked scared and Connor felt bad.

I have discovered a new tactic. I have the same self-control as regards money as my three-year-old niece has over her bladder. While she has improved recently, I haven’t. I have got myself into some ridiculous monetary scrapes. I have begged in Newark, New Jersey and on O’Connell Street in Dublin. I have trudged, like a Victorian orphan, to a pawnbroker on Meath St to pawn my TV and DVD player. I once got an overdraft from the bank to go to the Clubs and Socs Ball in UCC, and I once stole a bottle of water from Londis. Yesterday, I left my wallet at home. It worked. I was angelic! Not a cigarette, not a simple carbohydrate and not a single hydrogenated fat passed my lips! I took my wallet to work today and was, while not diabolical, certainly less than angelic. So, henceforth, I shall venture into the world every morning without money or ATM card. I know there are kinks in this plan that need to be worked out, but I can do it! I think.

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3 Responses to Suck it up, bitch!

  1. Claire says:

    Did you at least get a decent price from the pawnbrokers?

  2. Claire says:

    PS I think the slogans would make for great motivational T-shirts

  3. Anonymous says:

    Would it be churlish to suggest that even the most Dickensian of Victorian orphans would be unlikely to have TVs to pawn? Beautiful economic advice. Eddie Hobbs may steal it at any moment. Actually whatever happeneed to Eddie?

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